It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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