its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize