I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
