I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
