I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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