Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize