He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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