Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
