Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
