he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
