He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
