Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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