he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
