There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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