R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You ruined the universe
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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