My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Are my feet made of real feet?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
