So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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