Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
