Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
