This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
