just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
