Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
