there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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