her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
