i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize