i think my tv is drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
