I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
