cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
