I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
