It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
