I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
