I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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