brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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