Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
