dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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