You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
