When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
where does the pee come out of this thing
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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