you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
