just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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