i permit you to call me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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