So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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