It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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