Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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