I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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