I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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