You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
