My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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