last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Boobs speak an international language.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
