She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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