I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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