i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
