Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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