This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
