I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize