12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
