My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
