Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to calm my uterus...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
