I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
