i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
