shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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