I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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