That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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