there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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