Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
