Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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