"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
