It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
