Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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