omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
