I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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