This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
