I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
