i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
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