I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize