So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
