I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't deserve a penis
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
