I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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