My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Randomize
