I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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