she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
