dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
