sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
