Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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