At least make sure they are 18
Why
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
