what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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