I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize