Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
