Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
