my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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