vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
