i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
