I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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