when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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